Introduction
Sexual dysfunction is often a silent struggle, affecting millions across the UK yet surrounded by stigma and misunderstanding. Whether you’re experiencing difficulties yourself or supporting a partner, it’s vital to remember: you are not alone, and help is available.
Research estimates that up to 1 in 10 adults in the UK experience sexual dysfunction at some point (NICE, 2021). Yet too often, people feel isolated, ashamed, or unsure what to do next. In this article, we will debunk common myths, examine the facts, and offer compassionate, evidence-based strategies to begin your journey towards sexual well-being—including how therapy can help.
What is Sexual Dysfunction?
Sexual dysfunction refers to persistent problems experienced during any stage of sexual activity, including desire, arousal, orgasm, or pain. It affects all genders and ages and may be transient or enduring.
Types of sexual dysfunction include:
- Desire disorders: Low or absent interest in sexual activity.
- Arousal disorders: Difficulty becoming physically aroused or maintaining arousal.
- Orgasm disorders: Difficulty achieving orgasm or a significant reduction in intensity.
- Sexual pain disorders: Experiencing physical pain during intercourse (dyspareunia), including vaginismus.
It’s important to highlight that sexual function exists on a spectrum. Occasional issues are common and normal; sexual dysfunction is typically defined as difficulties that persist for three months or longer and cause significant distress (DSM-5, APA, 2013).
Prevalence and Impact
Recent surveys suggest rates of sexual problems are increasing, possibly due to stress, medical conditions, and social factors (Natsal-3, Wellings et al, 2013):
- 1 in 10 men and 1 in 8 women (aged 16-74) report distressing sexual difficulties in the past year.
- The most common issues are lack of interest, difficulties with orgasm, and pain during sex (Mitchell et al, 2013).
- Many people never seek help, largely due to stigma.
These difficulties can disrupt not just sexual relationships but self-esteem, mood, and overall quality of life.
Common Myths vs. Realities
Myths about sexual dysfunction create unnecessary shame and can block the road to healing. Let’s address the most common:
Myth #1: Sexual Dysfunction Is Rare
Reality: It is very common. According to the NHS and large-scale UK studies, most adults experience sexual difficulties at some stage. Many challenges resolve naturally; others benefit from support.
Myth #2: It’s “All in Your Head” or Purely Physical
Reality: Sexual dysfunction can arise from psychological, physical, social, and relational factors—often in combination. Stress, relationship issues, medical conditions, trauma history, hormone changes, and medications are all recognised contributors (NICE, 2021).
Myth #3: Only Older People Are Affected
Reality: While prevalence increases with age, young people also experience sexual dysfunction, often connected to anxiety and relationship factors (Mitchell et al, 2013).
Myth #4: Real Relationships Don’t Have Sexual Difficulties
Reality: Healthy couples encounter sexual challenges like anyone else. Open communication and willingness to seek support can actually strengthen bonds.
Why Opening Up Matters
Reaching out about sexual difficulties can feel daunting, but evidence shows it’s the first and most important step towards improvement.
According to a qualitative study in the British Journal of General Practice (Lee et al, 2019), talking honestly with a healthcare professional or therapist significantly increases the chances of positive outcomes. Those who seek support often:
- Gain better understanding of root causes (medical, psychological, or both)
- Reduce shame and isolation
- Access effective, personalised interventions
- Improve communication with partners
- Restore or discover fulfilling intimacy
Therapy provides a nonjudgemental space to explore concerns confidentially, at your own pace.
Academic Insights: Key Studies
Several major studies have shaped our understanding of sexual dysfunction in the UK:
- The Third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal-3):
- Involved over 15,000 people, identified that approx. 42% of women and 34% of men experienced at least one sexual problem, but only about 10% considered them “distressing” and lasting more than three months (Mitchell et al, 2013).
- The most common concerns in women: lack of interest in sex, difficulty achieving orgasm, pain.
- For men: premature ejaculation, erectile difficulties, lack of interest.
- NICE Guidelines (2021): Emphasise a holistic, client-centred approach, considering physical and emotional wellbeing and advocating therapy as a first-line intervention.
- British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP): Recommends that therapy can help people process shame, trauma, and communication barriers, with substantial evidence for the efficacy of psychosexual counselling.
Taking First Steps: What Can You Do Right Now?
Addressing sexual dysfunction isn’t all or nothing—you can take manageable, constructive steps at home and in your relationships. Here are practical strategies, backed by research:
1. Self-Reflection
Before seeking outside help, it can be useful to consider the following:
- When did you first notice the difficulty?
- Has anything in your life changed (stress, health, relationships)?
- Has this happened before? If so, what helped?
- How does it make you feel? (anxious, sad, angry)
- Is your partner aware of your concerns?
Writing thoughts in a journal can help clarify your experience and prepare for conversations.
2. Communicate Kindly with Partners
Research shows that sharing difficulties increases intimacy and decreases anxiety (BACP, 2022). Use “I” statements, e.g.:
“I’ve been feeling worried about my libido lately and I wanted to talk with you. Can we explore this together?”
Avoid blame, and focus on mutual support.
3. Prioritise Self-Compassion
Sexual difficulties are not a personal failing or punishment. Treat yourself gently, recognising that healing is a process.
Try guided meditations or compassion-focussed mindfulness (see Mindfulness UK’s free resources).
4. Lifestyle Adjustments
Evidence links overall health and sexual functioning (NICE, 2021). Consider:
- Sleep: Aim for regular, sufficient sleep.
- Alcohol: Moderation supports arousal and performance.
- Exercise: Even gentle activity releases endorphins and boosts mood.
- Limit stress: Mindfulness, yoga, or creative hobbies can help.
5. Consider Professional Help
Therapy isn’t only for severe or “clinical” problems; it’s for anyone wanting to understand themselves and improve wellbeing. If you’re distressed, therapy with a BACP or COSRT accredited counsellor can provide strategies and support.
What to Expect: Therapy for Sexual Dysfunction
It’s natural to feel nervous about starting therapy, but the experience is gentle and collaborative.
First session: Often focuses on understanding your story, hopes and concerns. You’ll never be pushed to share more than you’re comfortable with. Everything stays confidential.
Ongoing sessions: May include:
- Psychoeducation (learning about sexual response)
- Cognitive-behavioural strategies (changing unhelpful thoughts/behaviours)
- Mindfulness and relaxation
- Couple’s communication skills
- Exploring past or present trauma (if relevant)
Qualified therapists use evidence-based practices—every step moves at your pace.
How to Find the Right Therapist
- Check accreditation: Look for therapists registered with BACP, COSRT, or UKCP.
- Specialisation: Choose therapists listing “psychosexual therapy”, “sex therapy”, or “relationship therapy”.
- Free consultations: Many therapists offer an initial call to answer questions.
- Compatibility matters: It’s okay to try a few therapists until you feel comfortable.
Search the NHS Register, BACP Therapist Directory, or COSRT Find a Therapist.
Taking the Next Step: A Personal Reflection
Acknowledging that you might want or need support for sexual difficulties is an act of courage. If you’re reading this, you’re already moving forward, prioritising your well-being and relationships.
Remember:
- Sexual difficulties are normal and very common.
- Help is available—and it works.
- You deserve pleasure, connection, and self-acceptance.
References
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE). (2021). Sexual dysfunction: Management for men and women.
- Mitchell, K., Mercer, C., Ploubidis, G. et al. (2013). Sexual function in Britain: findings from the third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal-3). The Lancet, 382(9907), 1817–1829.
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.).
- British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). (2022). Sexual issues and therapy.
- Lee, D.M., Nazroo, J., O’Connor, D.B. et al. (2019). Sexual health and wellbeing among older men and women in England: findings from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing. BMJ Open, 6(10).
- NHS. (2023). Sexual problems in men and women.
